2015... Here we come!

Sorry for long hiatus but it's been a busy one. I took my GRE (twice), applied for graduate school and completed my second to last semester at CNU.

 I also was led to a wonderful, terrible realization this semester... that I am weak. I try to do things on my on and I can't.

I thought I could and was suppose to live the perfect life, never letting an unclean thing touch my mouth, never going a week without getting my 200 minutes of exercise in. And it was great in the beginning, exciting and fun even. Being perfect was new, easy and I felt in control. But as time went on my friends and family expressed their concern, saying I looked like I had a problem, like I had gotten past the point of healthy. So I listened, realizing my idea of healthy was overambitious. I cut back the exercise and loosened my reigns on certain foods, but I still kept a regime. I told myself I had everything under control but I realized I was so obsessed with control, it was controlling me.

I felt lost and unguided and was led to study the bible with others more, hoping for greater insight into my life and why I wasn't filled with the assurance I had at the beginning of my journey to health. I soon found the ugly sin of pride to be all over my life. And the worst part about it was easy to cover up. Afterall, I still did things to show my humility, my generosity and was polite in every way. But I knew in my mind that everything I did depended on how much value I ascribed to it or how convenient it was for me. So I prayed, and prayed a lot.  I realized I needed counseling and went with a great sense of relief. It helped me put value into other areas besides nutrition and exercise and being more okay with not being perfect.

 I also was led to a better understanding of what a christian life should look like, How important it is to surround yourself with a community, and how Christ does not want us to do this on our own. I  used to think relying on Him just meant praying every time things didn't go as you planned. I've learned is that that idea secludes you from experiencing His love through others and hinders you from pouring it back into others. Hebrews 3:13 says we are to exhort each other daily, which means we all need support. I've had the pleasure of getting more of this through a bible study at my church, with my roommates and my sister.

Another thing that has helped me give more control back to Christ is by taking a step back when I start planning out my day, looking for the blessings He has surrounded me with them and I am thankful for it.

I'll admit that I'm a long way off from perfect and have a great deal to learn about servanthood and discipleship but praise God that Christ's blood payed it all, May God guide me as I focus on Romans 12 this year and find and give the encouragement to live in the way He wants us to. Happy New Year!